Count your blessings!

Today while watching "Georgia Rule" i remembered something that Sr. Dom told me once long ago.."always count your blessings". She would be very disappointed if she only knew that i was doing the very opposite of that today!
Something made me realize that despite all the losses and the defeats, the broken friendships, lost love and countless tears God has indeed blessed me with one of the rarest and most wonderful blessings on earth that very few are lucky enough to find- Friends!! He blessed me with them to help me through the rough times coz he knew there were rough times ahead even though i was totaly oblivious to it all except to the happy blue bubble i was floating around in.
Today as i look at all of those wonderful people who have held my hand right through and who still do, those people who i know i can turn to at any time, who i know will always be there i realize that they are God's blessing to me. They are there when ever i feel down, when they sense that life is a bit messed up on my side of the planet, when ever i need to talk and just let it go ,they are always there.
I see and note all the little things they do for me..sometimes discreetly sometimes openly. the hugs, the kisses, the"just thought of saying hi", the "smile ok pri"s, the "we lauuuu u"s they all come free of cost, provided by the warm hearts of some of the nicest nicest friends i have ever met and will ever meet.They are people who truly care and love me for who i am and who are truly "good friends" and not the kind who take you for granted just coz they know your "nice"!!
i have always heard that friends are quiet angels who lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly! I only realized the truth of it today.
I thank God for blessing me with a bunch of truly awsome friends who are absolutely irreplaceable. I couldnt have asked for anything better....
I may have not have gained the friendship of that which i have prayed long and hard for yet to make up for that God blessed me with the love and care of a couple of friends who mean the world to me. I guess it goes to prove that God gives and God takes.:)

this one's for all those lovely people, my friends who have and will always be there for me...one of the best blessings that God showered on me.

i loooooooooove u all:))

friends!

i always wonder what people mean when they say "you'll always be one of my good friends"?? what exactly do they mean? do they mean that they will always be around when we want them??that we can turn to them when we are feeling down?or does it mean they'll give u a birthday gift and wish you for your birthday once a year??OR does it mean that they turn to you when they are stressed out with life? when they are down and they know that whatever you have you will always find time to cheer them up??what do they mean???

i wish i knew....there's alot i expect from friends..maybe i'm wrong to do that!!i dunno...but if i only knew what the term "good friends" meant i guess i wouldnt realy expect things from people who cannot live up to my expectations!

im fed up of these false promises, these false hopes, these false dreams i'm still holding on to...

im fed up of false friends who claim they want to be "good friends" when they clearly cant even be "friends" leave alone good friends!!

i'm tired of trying to be a good friend.....maybe i never was!!

but turn around and ask urself the same question!!
have u been there for me???

Men

Men! ohhh such a wonderful topic..dont we loove them..dont our lives revolve around them..we cant live without them..soo not!! but this is exctly what they want to hear!
i was scrolln through my blog and realized that every blog post is veery veery depressing..well that's just me! my life is a bit depressing these days..bit! a complete understatement..well about that later..anyway i dont know what made me decide to write about this wonderful species today of all days....a day when the whole world seems to rubbing in my face the fact that...that something!
well i do know what got me thinking about these ohh soo wonderful males who were soo generous enough to part with one of their ribs so that we could be created!!! seriously u think God couldnt have created us without a man's rib? In my opinion that was God's only mistake! If he realy needed a rib to create us maybe he should have borrowed one from a dog or a giraffe or maybe mmmm.....a lion! at least they would have shut up about it and not made it the one and only excuse to claim that they are superior to women! seriously just coz we were a product of one solitary rib that unfortunately belonged to that arrogant self opinionated twit called a man does not give them the right to think that a woman's life revolves around them!
this is why i loove blogging! i can thrash whoever i want in anyway i like and it gives me great pleasure in doing soo:) today "men" will be my victim. this blog post will probably be one of those never ending ones which i shall add to with each passing day a new observation i make about this wonderful species that love to confuse us and muddle us and in short make life hell for us women! well ofcourse they dont realy mean to do this but that is what they end up doing after all and yet stubbornly refuse to accept the fact, which is what in turn makes us want to thrash their heads with a cricket bat!!! --a big hug to all you men out there who might feel just a teeny bit hurt after hearing this!!

anyway before i start off i must say that my observations are purely my own! they are based purely on the men i have met,this includes the asshole, the confused idiot, the sweet guy, the one who means to be nice yet ends up being not-so-nice etc etc etc, the ones i meet everyday and the ones i'm yet to meet!! I stand by the fact that these observations are the rule when it comes to "men"!! but ofcourse there may be the exceptions to the rule, the one odd one who is like a rare gem in a pool of pebbles and rocks!! unfortunatly such rare gems rarely find their way towards me. sigh!! well my fingers are crossed in the hope that i may one day come across that one solitary soul who will be an exception to the rule-in other words a man who is not an asshole!! is that possible??geez that's like looking for a woman without boobs!!! and the day i find this "exception-to-the-rule" i shall end this blog entry! sigh! i pity my poor grand daughter who in all likeliness will have to continue this blog and maybe pass it on to her grand daughter as well=) such is the unlikeliness of ever finding that rare gem!! we shall have to make do with rocks and pebbles! so at least this a good way of getting out the frustration!
( "men" does not include fathers!! i loove my thathi and he is probably the only gem i'll ever know!)

so yes to get to my point...my first observation.

Men hate it when they ask you how you are and you go like "I'm super! I'm fantastic! I'm doing absolutly great!!" they hate the positive attitude!! its the only way you can get them to to shut up! i know coz i did it and i made a man shut up! see the thing is they dont expect that reaction from us..they expect us to be like.."i'm ok" something negative! i think its like an ego booster for them when we are negative! Men are such egotistic creatures that they love to think that they are an indispensable part of a female's world. I guess in a way it makes then feel good to know that we need them to make ourselves feel good! so even if you are feeling down dont show them!!!that's all they need to complete their stupid sense of superiority! well its ok to pity the poor fellows once in awhile and give then the feeble"i'm ok"...after all little kids need to be given some love and attention at times!

go away please!!!!!

why why why why did i ever ever ever meet u!!!!!!!
how much better my life wud have been had i never known u existed!!!!
how much peace i wud have had had i never known u!!!
how much more of life i wudv enjoyed if i had never ever known that U existed!!
why why why did i ever meet u!!!!!
why did i ever feel sooo strongly about u!!!
why did i let my heart rule!!
why was i sooo stupid soooo blind sooo crazy to hold u soooo dear!!!!
why why why!!!
someone please tel me.......
u cant!!!!u cant u cant!!!!
u dnt knw nothing except that stupid thing you do!!!!
please please take me out of this wretched mood i am in!!
please let me live
please let me have peace..
please go and never come back
please forget that we can ever be friends..you dont even know how to be a friend!!!
you are incapable of doing sooo much yet why why why then do i still hang on to you..still wait for you..still hope for you...still care for you..still love u!!!

you are an insensitive idiotic fool
but im a bigger fool to know all that and still continue to let u be my priority!!!

fingers crossed

They say that there's a time and a place for everything. If its meant to happen it always will but never according to our plans or our timing. and ofcourse if you deserve something you will get it no matter what!
that silent prayer of loong ago finaly reached God's ears and I guess in a way he decided that it was time..time to give a truly deserving soul here on earth a chance to make his only dream come true..
I'm happy for him...very very happy:) if there's anyone who deserves that chance its him. All i hope is that this time wont be a repeat of what happend last time. I do hope from the bottom of my heart that this will be his big break..the chance to make his dream come true.
Yet then why do i feel this emptiness, this hollow feeling..this unexplainable feeling??
My mind goes back to the last time a similar incident occured...when his dream was within his reach and then crudely snatched away at the last moment. I was there then.
but did it matter to him?
four months is not a long time. But how much life has changed within that short period.
last time it was I who knew first.. I was the one he shared it with..but this time over i have to pretend i dont know. I find out from other sources.
why was it that life changed things soooo much?why did life change life?
last time over it was I who was there when they decided to deprive him of his chance to shine..it was I who was there when he was down and disappointed. It was me that he spoke to.I was there then.
but did it matter to him?
It was I who waited all day to catch a glimpse of him..bored to death by sitting in front of a television set watching something i knew beans about! It was me who he asked "did u see me?" It was I who told him to smile rather than wear that disinterested look on his face. It was me who he asked "i smiled today! did you see?"
but did it matter to him?
Last time over it was I who was there with him when things werent going well, when he was feeling realy down that it broke my heart to see him like that..to see someone soo strong in such pain..it was me he turned to when he was in a foreign land and fell ill. It was me who he called up to break the good news to in his humble silly down-to-earth way. I was there then.
But did it matter to him?
I was the one he called when he landed on home soil after a month of being away. I was there then.
But did it matter to him?

i could go on for ever and ever...but the truth will never change. things will never be the same.
This time over its going to be very different. I wont be there.
but will it matter to him?

the answer is what makes me feel this horrible nameless feeling that i have felt ever since i heard that God finaly answered my silent prayer.

who will he turn to when things are not going his way this time over?
who will he complain to that his room is too small?that the heat is unbearable?that he has cramps all over his body?that the food was soo horrid that he had to skip meals?who will he call when he lands on home soil?who will be waiting for him??

will there be someone else......

my heart aches to know that this time over it wont be me. that this time over i am what every other friend was to him the last time he toured foreign lands. the time when i meant more....or at least i thought i did...
but what hurts most is knowing that even though my heart breaks to not be there this time over, that his heart doesnt even care.
what hurts most is knowing that after all i gave sooo willingly and so happily it never mattered to him at all. Had i not been there it would have made no difference.

and that is why i hurt soo much.

There is nothing i can do for him this time. I can only keep praying that God will make his dream come true and save him from further disappointment. I can only wish him the best and all the luck in the world. I can only hope from the depths of my heart that things go well for him and that he comes back with a fulfilled dream and that his skill and talent secure him a permanent position in that which he dreams to be a part of.

that is all i can do...and that is all i will do. its not a matter of choice.its my only option..

my fingers are crossed for him just like they were last time...and till he wears that T cap on that stupid head of his my fingers will stay crossed...

times may have changed, life may have changed, our relationship may have changed...
yet my promise will remain.

Miss Pri will never forget!

take the chains away...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCaiat__Mwc&feature=related

You came when I was happy in your sunshine
I grew to love you more, each passing day
Before too long I'd built my world around you
And I prayed you'd love enough of me to stay

If you love me, let me know, if you don't, then let me go
I can't take another minute of the day without you in it
If you love me, let it be, if you don't, then set me free
Take the chains away that keep me loving you

The arms that open wide to hold me closer
The hands that run their fingers thru my hair
The smile that says, "Hello, it's good to see you"
Anytime I turn around to find you there

It's this and so much more that makes me love you
What else can I do to make you see
You know you have whatever's mine to give you
But a love affair for one can never be

If you love me, let me know, if you don't, then let me go
I can't take another minute of the day without you in it
If you love me, let it be, if you don't, then set me free
Take the chains away that keep me loving you

Oh, take the chains away that keep me loving you.

The end.

They say that all good things must to come to an end. so must all bad things. If there is one thing i've learnt during my existence on this glorious planet is that nothing..nothing at all lasts forever. not love, not war not even the best of friendships. if nothing comes between us and what we love and hold dear eventualy death will. Separation is an unavoidable part of our human existence and there's no human force in the world which can halt it. As i write this i remember something that someone very close to me told me once..."everyone has to go..that is life". Little did i realize the irony of those words...an irony that runs deeper than merely the words! At the time i was told this i refused to accept it. In my naivity i believd that i could hold onto everything and everyone who i held dear in my life and never let go of them. I was stupid enough to believe that i could fight against any force and still hold on to the precious few in my life. The only separation i knew and i accepted was death and it was not something i gave much thought to...after all young people dont die!! Yes that was me at 21...naive, immature and totaly oblivious to the realities of the world.

Now at 21 and 5 months i see things differently. Life has changed within these 5 months faster than it has changed during the last 21 years!! These past 5 months have taught me things that 21 years of existence havent. These past 5 months have changed me!!

I'm no longer the delusive, naive, 'nice' little girl who at 21 firmly believed that the happy little bubble that she was floating around in a world of bat and ball would last forever!

The past 5 months may not have been the best in my life..far from it i would say. Yet however unpleasent it may have been, despite the bitter memories, the hurt, pain and tears it has also in soo many ways been an eye opener--to soo many things that thus far i was totaly oblivious to. In a way the curve ball that was thrown my way in the most unexpected manner ever made me grow up and see the world as it is!! not through my delusive pink glasses!!

Life thought me some of the strangest yet most valuable lessons that 13 years of convent education didnt.

I learnt that it takes just a few moments to change our lives, our relationships forever. But that does not mean that life ends there. We accept the change and move on coz if we dont choose to do so we ourselves end up being the loser of the game.

I have learnt that life never rolls the way we want it to...there's a higher force be it karma, the stars and planets or the big guy up in heaven who rules our lives and moulds it the way he wants to or the way its supossed to be. Our plans are not always the best..our dreams not always the wisest. Try as we may to make life roll the way we want it to the heavens have the final say..God's plans may not always be ours but i firmly believe that they are for our own good. As the old saying goes "everything does happen for a reason."

One of the most important things that life taught me was that we can never ever hold onto anything that is not or was never meant to be ours. We may try and try and try and keep on trying for the rest of our lives yet if something is not meant to be ours it never will be!! likewise there are things that are meant for us..meant to be ours forever...and at some point in the strangest and most unimaginable way they will end up being ours. I have learnt that there is no point in waiting for things to happen...if they are meant to they will. I dont believe in huge dreams and meticulously worked out plans.. Life will always end up being what it is supposed to be and no amount of human planning will change its course...if our plans are compatible with our destiny, with how it is supposed to be..then good for you! but if not i have learnt that the wisest thing to do is to accept whatever life throws our way and keep going. Dont mistake that with meek submissiveness. coz its not! its called inner strength..the ability to keep on going when everything in life is against you!! This is also one of the most difficult things to do.

I have also learnt that strangers keep entering our lives all the time. whether we meet them on the road, in campus, online or at a match they keep entering our lives all the time. Some of them are just passersby...a hi and a goodbye and they are gone. Some of them stay with us forver..maybe as good friends, lovers or as a source of inspiration and guidance...and then there are some who dont remain in our lives forver yet in the brief moment that they do they leave an imprint in our lives, our hearts that may remain forever. timeless, eternal and everlasting. They change our lives, enrich it in numerous ways and open our eyes and hearts to soo many things that we were unaware of. and sometimes they do it oblivious to themselves yet they still change us in ways unimaginable. We attach ourselves to them with invisble ropes of love, friendship and care...little knowing that its a matter of time before they are taken away from us back to where they came from...the land of strangers. we love them...they leave.

That's life:) the realities that life taught me at 21 and 5 months!

oh and life also taught me something else..about love. these five months i have tried to convince myself that love is all but an illusion. That in itself is ironical coz i have always been someone who firlmly believd in the power of love. I have seen it in my parents, my grandparents and my campus couple:) Its not love that is an illusion. Love does realy exist. its just our notions about love that are illusions. The love that we dream of..the pink, fluffy, totaly perfect "end-in-a-fairytale wedding" kind of love is an illusion!!Love is never perfect and i guess in a way that is what makes it all the more precious. For me love equals happiness. That does not in any way mean that people who dont love are not happy! but loving someone brings you a differnt sense o f happiness that you cant find elsewhere. I have also learnt that love cant be forced. it has to come from within. it has nothing to do with physical appearences. its something you feel from within and no amount of reasoning will enable you to find a reason for falling in love!

I once asked wendy "why is it that we call the whole of process of falling in love with someone "falling in love". Why falling?? Thats coz falling in love is a risk. a gamble with your heart. On the one hand you may fall in love and there will be someone at the other end to hold you..to love you back. But there's also the chance that you will fall and get hurt...that the other half who you think will be at the other end to hold you is holding on to another. not you!!! That is love. That is life. All of us may not be lucky enough to find and keep the love that our hearts yearn for. Yet that doesnt mean that it doesnt exist. It does! Just coz i couldnt find it doesnt mean its a lie.

oh and ofcourse the greatest lesson life taught me was that men and women are probably THE most incompatible species ever;) A man's mind will never work the way a woman's does! ever! period. the ones from mars are total idiots.period! they do idiotic things.period. they drive us venus residents insane. period. yet despite all their idiotic ways we still love them and we cant do without them..sad..but true;)

pink tshirts, straw hats, pearl necklaces and those "sweet" gestures of dropping you back home..a home situated at the other end of the world mind you, will allure me no more. It did. but that was when i was 21..now at 21 and 5 months i think differntly. I am different.

So to come back to my point..these past 5 months have shown me that not only all good things but all bad things too eventualy come to an end. Nothing goes on forever. To quote the words of one of my dearest friends "you wont smile forever and you wont cy forever! thats life pri. you have to face it"...the wisdom of those words are clear to me only now.

But its true. I smiled like never before..i truly lived up to my name..happyblue:) It was happiness all around. nothing could be more perfect. Yet like everything else it was a fleeting sense of happiness..it ended. it was the best time of my life. the happiest. In 21 years of existence i found real hapiness only in the last 5 months of my 20 years. Maybe i'll never feel it again..i dont know. For now i find it even impossible to believe that anyone other than that which made me smile can ever bring such happiness to life again..yet with life one never knows..

despite the fact that the past few months have truly opened my eyes to realities thus far unseen it has also probably been the hardest period in my 21 years of existence. Detaching myself from something that i cared soo much for was by the far the hardest decison i have ever made. It wasnt realy a decison..it was not even a matter of choice. It was forced on me. Life was unfair. the tears. the pain, the hurt, the confusion never grew any less despite the words of comfort given soo generously by all who realy loved and cared for me...nothing or noone could change how i felt...

in other words my life was not mine anymore..i had no control over it! and hated myself for that. I hated anyone controlling my life yet that in it self was out of my control! I was weak, feeble anything that seemed like hope was enough for me to cling on to. Then despite warnings from everyone i held onto another illusion...for me something was better than nothing.I continued to give. I fooled myself into believing that i was doing the right thing..that this was better..that it was a temporary consolation. I was wrong.

Today as i sit in front of my computer and type this i have finaly made a decision.

When i look back at all that has happened within the last few months i realize something that never struck me before. All these months i have let that which is now gone, take control of my life. I have let it control every part of my life..unknowingly ofcourse..yet it has.

but as my friend once told me...nothing lasts forever....

I realize now that my life is mine! no other mortal should have power to rule over me. I have had enough.

which is why i decided....that its time to let go.

I dont know how practical my decision will be. maybe tomorrow when i wake up i'll think otherwise. But for me tomorrows dont exist. its today that matter. I also realize that by holding onto something that is not mine i will only keep hurting my ownself. and is it worth it?? like i said before if something is meant to happen it will..and if it doesnt it was never meant to be. It was one of the hardest decisions i ever made to do what i did today..but i had to..coz you have to start at some point. All these months i have fooled myself into believing that i was trying..trying to forget and move on..trying to let go off something that once meant soo much to me..that maybe always will. But in reality i havent!! not one bit..

but today im fed up. I'm disappointed and exhausted. Its not that im fed up of caring or giving. I'm fed up of fooling my ownself. I'm fed up having no control over my life. I and I alone have made life hell for myself. and today I've had enough. which is why i decided to take the reins into my own hands. From here on i will dictate my life..the bat and ball will not rule.

Sometimes i wonder why i even made this decision...is it realy because im tired of being controlled by another, is it coz im disappointed that where love failed friendship failed too? is it that i want my life back? is it because i have stopped caring? is it coz all hope seems to have vanished? or is it a defense mechanism to save my self from a very obvious future occurence??

whatever the reason it is a decision i made and it was not an arbitrary one. It broke my heart to do what i did today. To see me myself turning someone who i cared for soo much at one point of life, into a virtual stranger. I broke the bridge.

One of my dad' s favourite songs suddenly came into my mind,,"memories dont live like people do..they always stay with you..whether they've been good or bad...."

I dont believe in burning, deleting or getting rid of all the little memories i have of that time when life was one big blue happy bubble...coz the memories in my mind cannot be erased or deleted as quickly. I only hope that with time i will be able to look back at them and smile...for all the happiness they brought. the memories.

Its time...its time to stop blaming others and move on. All these months i have tried to find a scapegoat and failed miserably! who can i blame? noone not even myself!

its time..time to pick up the pieces and move on..minus that which i will always miss...

someone once told me that God is a big guy and that he needs his own time to sort things out. I guess this is God's way of telling me that its time..

they say that when a door of happiness closes another always opens..at least a window..yet we are soo busy looking at the closed door that we forget to see the one opened to us. True. All i have been doing is looking on at that closed door...i havent seen the open one yet..maybe its not opened yet..maybe it never will...maybe it'll be just a window but my neck is tired of staring and staring at a fast vanishing illusion...its time.

There are no hard feelings.none whatsoever. the bitterness, the anger is gone. i feel nothing anymore. I know i will always care and that that which im letting go off will always hold a very fond place in my memories, in my heart and in my life.

Cricket has and always will be a very intergral part of all Sri Lankans. It is our identity. what we stand for..a huge part of our lives..as long as we are Sri Lankans cricket will always be synonymous with us.....

Life may have thrown some random curve balls at me. Yet despite all the hard times, the bitter moments, the countless tears and the horrible feelings life though me alot of things. Opened my pretty pink eyes to the reality of the world. It took 21 years and 5 months and a heart that i will always care for to teach me what life realy is. And for that i will be ever thankful...to life, to God and to that which God chose to show me life..and love.

I thank God for bringing into my life one of the nicest nicest people that i have ever met and will ever meet...a stranger who crossed my path so randomly yet created an eternal imprint. He will always be someone i look upto, i respect and trust.Always.

that which i once held soo dear, so special has to now be turned into a stranger..just another mere mortal..a passing ship in the ocean of life that happened to spend a fleeting few moments in the harbour of my life..there are no options..its not a matter of choice. Its inevitable. Its life.

Today i give up...God and time will do the rest.

I believe that time shall heal what reason cannot....

In the mean time go out and live your life for yourself. dont waste it like i have done for the past few months...but remember in a moment of confusion "just close your eyes and count from 1 to 10"....someone very dear to me told me that once....miss pri will always remember..

THE END.

to those who trully matter...

Someone once said that it takes the tough times in life to know who your true friends are. Yes. it does take the rough bitter times when you feel that you have lost, when you feel that nothing can ever make it better... to realy know who your true friends are..
I was going through my inbox today...rereading all those messages that sooo many friends sent me to make me feel better at a time when i felt i had lost it all. I was surprised to see that some of them were even from totaly unexpected people who may not even have known what i was going through yet cared enough to take time to write and make me feel better. and it did work! today when i look back i realize that i couldnt have gotten through without all of them..without their love and care.
Today as i reread those messages i also realized something that i had seemingly forgotten thus far. I was soo engrossed in my own troubles, in my own pain, holding on to a past that i was refusing to let go off..in the midst of all that i forgot one of the most important things in life! My dreams , my plans, my hopes may not have come true..i may have lost things that i will always miss, that i may never ever get back. yet despite all the curve balls that life threw my way i realized that life has also blessed me with some of the greatest friends that anyone can ever have. and for that i'm truly grateful..to all of them and to life!
it does take the hard times in life to identify those who truly care for you and those whose friendship is just limited to the surface. I'm glad in a way that i was given an opportunity to realize who the real ones were!
None of them will ever realize how much their care and love meant to me not only during that time but even now...unknown to them they are still my source of inspiration, the people who help me up whenever i feel lonely or depressed.
I have always wondered which of my friends would actualy stick with me till the end. i guess i found the answer now...
I only wish that somewhere along this loong rough road of life i'll be given the opportunity to help them just like they helped me..
Life gives and life takes...life took away one of the most treasured things in my life but in return gave me a bunch of friends who are sooo much sooo much more valuable. who love me for who i am and who truly truly care for me and who i know will always be with me.
I looooooove you all for being there..for the words of comfort and support, for the hugs that were given soo freely..for the 'i love u pri's..for the times you held my hand and said nothing, for telling me that i'm stronger than i think, for the "friends forever" and most importantly for telling me that you will always be there...i looooooove you all..forever n ever n ever!!!
happy blue will never forget=))

i looooove you all..

she wont forget...

Her life changed seven months ago just on a day like today....it was no different..just another ordinary day...ordinary in soo many ways yet extraordinary in soo many ways too...she can still remember..every minute detail as if it all hapened just yesterday...the "pinkness", the straw hat,the gollywog,the intoductions, the questions, the answers, the jokes, the scores....the eyes...no! no eyes.
and then sometimes she wonders whether he remembers...anything...anything at all! was it soo insignificant that he has not even one tiny single memory of it...why could it not mean as much to him as it was to her..as it still is...
it was him! he led her on...he gave her things that noone ever had, made her feel things that noone had ever made her feel, did things for her that noone else had done..yes they were not big fancy things but that is what made them all the more special..all the more hard to forget..opened her heart to love....and then broke it.
it was unintentional..she knows..yet he broke her heart....and what makes it all the more worse is coz he still doesnt realize it....sometiems she wonders whether he does..whether what ever he now does for her is done out of pity for the "nice heart of the one in a million girl"...i guess she'll never know..just like the so many other things that she will never know.
she was his mistake...the victim of his broken heart..the victim of his past..the past that he has yet not let go off and maybe never will....the victim of his confused mixed up emotions, his inability to see what he has, what he has lost and what he needs!
the timing was all wrong! she met him at the wrong time...it was right for her and wrong for him...it was too soon...had it maybe been some other time she wonders whether it may have been different....she can never be her..the past he still clings on to....so the possibility of it being differnt is almost nil!
it wasnt anyones's mistake....it was just the way things were meant to be...it was life..fate..destiny.. that their paths had to cross....that hearts had to be broken...tears had to be shed...memories that will remain forever..
but it wasnt fair...life wasnt fair to her...it wasnt fair that she had to lose...he lost nothing..coz he had nothing to lose...it was she...she lost...she's still lost...lonely...not knowing where to go..stranded in the middle of nowhere...while he goes on without a care. it isnt fair that everyone asks her to forget and move on...if it was that easy she would have done it herself..does he expect her to forget it all and just move on....not forgetting him too?
love is just one whole big illusion......all it brings is tears and pain and heartbreak.
she knows that she has to let go..maybe not right now...but at some point....if not he'll hurt her again and this time she will be responsible not him!
it breaks her heart to know what she knows......
it is not her who his heart misses.....

but for her......he'll always be the one....the one heart that her heart will always long for..will always miss..will always love...

she'll never forget....her heart wont let her....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xJuD6L-azg&feature=player_embedded

Random thoughts.

Life is a strange mass of twist and turns indeed. The most unexpected things happen, we meet unexpected people who turn our lives completly upside down, we make plans, dream big dreams but rarely see any of them become a reality. Instead life twists our fates in ways totaly unexpected, in ways that we never even imagined possible, takes us down long roads and winding paths that we never even dreamt of treading on merely beacuse we didnt know they existed! Life rarely goes the way we want..and its strange coz after all our lives are ours! we are the master not the slave! yet that is how it stands..try as we may we cannot fight against it..we can never fight against life! all we can do is accept what is thrown our way, accept the fact that our lives may not be going the exact way we want, accept that our dreams, our plans may not have been the best after all and most importantly make the best of everything you'v got! Be happy with what life gives you, the strange twists and turns, the unexpected U turns..they are all part of life and even though they may not be exactly what you want you will learn to live with it..its a matter of adjusting yourself, your dreams, your hopes...your life. It calls for a certain amount of compromise too but at the end of the day if you are happy even if that means that you have compromised on a lot of things, alot of dreams, alot of expectations.. i think that is all that is important! That you are happy:)

Life has always given me theunexpected! the good and the bad...the twists the turns have been endless! I never saw myself in the circumstances that im in today! I never imagined that this was how things would be...i had my own dreams, my own plans but fate had its own!..and this is how it is today and what more can i do but make the best out of it and be happy with what i have!

In the midst of all these unexpected twist and turns life also teaches us a very important lesson..that nothing is impossible! Things that may have at one point seemed totaly impossible, unachievable, sooner or later fall within our reach for us to grasp them and make the most of them! They may be different to what we expected but that doesnt change the fact that they were once things that we labelled as "impossible"!

Impossible is nothing....I'm glad that even without realizing this i made a very important decision to stick on...to continue to be friends with someone whom everyone said was not worth being friends with....who had nothing to offer me..at least nothing that met my expectations...yet i stuck on coz after all that is where my happiness lies and most importantly i stuck on coz sometimes life is not about holding on to people who have something to offer you....its about giving to people who you know can never return the favour! and what greater happiness is there in the world than that......

They say love conquers all....but i believe that where love fails friendship stands firm. Love may bind two souls forver but its friendship that holds the world together.