“Why do I read?
I just can't help myself.
I read to learn and to grow, to laugh
and to be motivated.
I read to understand things I've never
been exposed to.
I read when I'm crabby, when I've just
said monumentally dumb things to the
people I love.
I read for strength to help me when I
feel broken, discouraged, and afraid.
I read when I'm angry at the whole
world.
I read when everything is going right.
I read to find hope.
I read because I'm made up not just of
skin and bones, of sights, feelings,
and a deep need for chocolate, but I'm
also made up of words.
Words describe my thoughts and what's
hidden in my heart.
Words are alive--when I've found a
story that I love, I read it again and
again, like playing a favorite song
over and over.
Reading isn't passive--I enter the
story with the characters, breathe
their air, feel their frustrations,
scream at them to stop when they're
about to do something stupid, cry with
them, laugh with them.
Reading for me, is spending time with a
friend.
A book is a friend.
You can never have too many.”
― Gary Paulsen, Shelf Life: Stories by the Book
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Dissertation diaries!
Been so long since I blogged I think I've forgotten how to write!
as per the title of this post the purpose of this essay is to analyse theoretically the process involved in the act of researching and writing an undergraduate dissertation which at the present moment is a corpus of nothing!
hahah ok jokes apart I believe that while all of us winge and moan about writing a dissertation it is actually quite an experience not only in terms of its academic value but also in terms of general lessons in life.
I have a grand total of 4 months left before I submit my final draft and while right now the path seems very unclear I'm assuming it'll all fall into place. For the past month I have struggled with initial research problems and got many a stern emails from D (My supervisor-perfectionist supervisor) and now finally I feel like I'm getting somewhere with it. Along the way I've learnt two very important lessons which I want to share here as a gentle reminder to myself whenever I may tend to forget.
THERE'S ALWAYS A SOLUTION:
However mind baffling your problem maybe remember there's always a solution and you can find it if you only look hard enough.
I was struggling with designing my questionnaire and even though I had got it done I knew there was still something lacking...and I just didn't know what to do about that. All it took at the end of the day was a few good hours of research and I found exactly what I was looking for. I'm finally happy with it.
Looking back I realize that while it took much time and effort for me to find my solution it was never a solution that was beyond my reach. To be really honest the solution was always there, right in front of my eyes..I just hadn't looked hard enough! And I guess in life this is always the case too...too often we spend time mulling over problems, searching for answers not knowing that most often the answer is right before us. It's just a matter of opening your eyes and seeing what is already there.
ASK FOR HELP:
I'm not someone who generally relies on people for help, I never have unless of course I really have no other option. I prefer to do my own work and get by on my own. I guess it's good that way but sometimes asking for help is not going to hurt you.
I spent two weeks trying to sort out a problem that D brought up regarding my research methodology and at the end of those 2 weeks I was at my wits end not knowing how to defend my own study. Out of sheer desperation I decided to turn to the one friend who I knew might possibly be able to help me out: Shaz. I'm so glad I did. 10 minutes later she gave me my solution and the very next day we started working on it. I was somewhat hesitant when I wrote to D about it knowing her perfectionist ways but she liked it. Problem solved:)
Of course Shaz is a smart ass linguist in the making but the bottom line is never be afraid to ask for help, specially from your friends. They may not always have answers but they can always give you a fresh perspective on things and that can really help.
For now these are the wise lessons my dissertation has taught me and I'm looking forward to many more. In a way I'm grateful to have a supervisor like D who's basically a nit picker and will, much to your annoyance pin point in no uncertain terms all the gaps, the stupidities and the faults. Sometimes (esp in the case of academic research) it actually helps to be a perfectionist:)
My next problem is whether my research will actually yield any positive results...but I guess I'll leave that to time:)
as per the title of this post the purpose of this essay is to analyse theoretically the process involved in the act of researching and writing an undergraduate dissertation which at the present moment is a corpus of nothing!
hahah ok jokes apart I believe that while all of us winge and moan about writing a dissertation it is actually quite an experience not only in terms of its academic value but also in terms of general lessons in life.
I have a grand total of 4 months left before I submit my final draft and while right now the path seems very unclear I'm assuming it'll all fall into place. For the past month I have struggled with initial research problems and got many a stern emails from D (My supervisor-perfectionist supervisor) and now finally I feel like I'm getting somewhere with it. Along the way I've learnt two very important lessons which I want to share here as a gentle reminder to myself whenever I may tend to forget.
THERE'S ALWAYS A SOLUTION:
However mind baffling your problem maybe remember there's always a solution and you can find it if you only look hard enough.
I was struggling with designing my questionnaire and even though I had got it done I knew there was still something lacking...and I just didn't know what to do about that. All it took at the end of the day was a few good hours of research and I found exactly what I was looking for. I'm finally happy with it.
Looking back I realize that while it took much time and effort for me to find my solution it was never a solution that was beyond my reach. To be really honest the solution was always there, right in front of my eyes..I just hadn't looked hard enough! And I guess in life this is always the case too...too often we spend time mulling over problems, searching for answers not knowing that most often the answer is right before us. It's just a matter of opening your eyes and seeing what is already there.
ASK FOR HELP:
I'm not someone who generally relies on people for help, I never have unless of course I really have no other option. I prefer to do my own work and get by on my own. I guess it's good that way but sometimes asking for help is not going to hurt you.
I spent two weeks trying to sort out a problem that D brought up regarding my research methodology and at the end of those 2 weeks I was at my wits end not knowing how to defend my own study. Out of sheer desperation I decided to turn to the one friend who I knew might possibly be able to help me out: Shaz. I'm so glad I did. 10 minutes later she gave me my solution and the very next day we started working on it. I was somewhat hesitant when I wrote to D about it knowing her perfectionist ways but she liked it. Problem solved:)
Of course Shaz is a smart ass linguist in the making but the bottom line is never be afraid to ask for help, specially from your friends. They may not always have answers but they can always give you a fresh perspective on things and that can really help.
For now these are the wise lessons my dissertation has taught me and I'm looking forward to many more. In a way I'm grateful to have a supervisor like D who's basically a nit picker and will, much to your annoyance pin point in no uncertain terms all the gaps, the stupidities and the faults. Sometimes (esp in the case of academic research) it actually helps to be a perfectionist:)
My next problem is whether my research will actually yield any positive results...but I guess I'll leave that to time:)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Change
I walked into Carnival to have a much needed ice cream to cool off! (what with all the tension and yuckiness of this stupid semester!) As I sat digging into my chocolate choc chip I happened to see two love birds (the human kind) enjoying each other (having forgotten their melting ice creams) in the usual way that all these couples do. The hugging, caressing, the teasing and the whispering of sweet nothings while their eyes roam around to see if anyone's watching before they peck the lover on the lips! hahaha ok even though the image is a bit too sweet I don't mean it in like a sarcastic way.
so I continued to discreetly watch them. It brought back memories..nice ones.. of those early days when Raiya and I had just started to go out. That was us, then. While I watched this random couple enjoying their relationship (which most obviously was in the infant stage) and smiled to myself remembering memories of not so long ago it struck me that change is inevitable.
we've been going out for nearly 1.5 years now and somewhere in between I realized that we were not what we had been. And this troubled me. We fought more, we no longer agreed with each other on every single thing, the stress, the tension of everyday life had creeped in. Our lives were no longer the fairy tale it had seemed to be. And I rebelled against this change coz I wanted to hold onto that " fairy tale, dream land" kind of relationship where all was sweet and none was sour!
But watching those two strangers I realized that while we are now not what we were...we have evolved into something much better. We no longer have those mushy, hand holding, "oh my gosh i love love love love u" dates coz our love and our relationship has gone beyond that and developed and matured into something stronger and deeper and in a sense much more.. real.
Yes those days were beautiful and perfect. Perfect in a surreal way.
we are imperfect now. we fight, we argue, we disagree. But we still love. And even though at times I was troubled, grappling with change and wondering whether our love had lost its intensity..I missed the mark. I failed to see that it was not our love that had changed but it was rather ourselves. over time we have grown to know each other inside out, we have reached a comfort zone that most people don't even reach after 5 years of marriage. we no longer need to hold hands and whisper sweet nothings to reassure each other of our love. We don't need to text each other 24x7. We don't need that reassurance, that superficiality.. coz we know who we are now and we know that what we share is real. It's not a dream. It's real and it's what binds us together. forever.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Imperfectly perfect
I happened to read a text sent to me by a good friend approximately around 1.5 years ago. Even though it may have seemed some serious issue at the time it's so trivial when i look back at it today that I don't even remember in waht context is was sent.
it was one line in that text that made me think about something that I may have started to take for granted. it said "someday someone sooo much better will come in to your life and will love you in the way that you deserve to be loved."
that line stuck in my head and I realized that it's true. I found that person who was and is sooo sooo much better and who realy realy loves me with a love that I guess very few are lucky enough to find and keep.
we are no longer in that honeymoon stage when all is rosy and bright and sweet. we fight, we argue, we shout at each other, we winge, we grumble about having to do this and that, we make each other laugh and cry with the same intensity, we hug, we kiss and we love.
and that last one is what will hold us together I believe coz it has held us together thus far.
however frustrating and annoying our relationship may sometimes get, however and angry and hurt we make each other...i know in those times when he wraps his arms around me in the most random moments ever and says "but i love u no baby" that he realy does and so do I.
He's annoying and stubborn and a knob at times but I can never possibly hope or ask for anyone better or rather..anyone more imperfectly perfect:)
I love you R
it was one line in that text that made me think about something that I may have started to take for granted. it said "someday someone sooo much better will come in to your life and will love you in the way that you deserve to be loved."
that line stuck in my head and I realized that it's true. I found that person who was and is sooo sooo much better and who realy realy loves me with a love that I guess very few are lucky enough to find and keep.
we are no longer in that honeymoon stage when all is rosy and bright and sweet. we fight, we argue, we shout at each other, we winge, we grumble about having to do this and that, we make each other laugh and cry with the same intensity, we hug, we kiss and we love.
and that last one is what will hold us together I believe coz it has held us together thus far.
however frustrating and annoying our relationship may sometimes get, however and angry and hurt we make each other...i know in those times when he wraps his arms around me in the most random moments ever and says "but i love u no baby" that he realy does and so do I.
He's annoying and stubborn and a knob at times but I can never possibly hope or ask for anyone better or rather..anyone more imperfectly perfect:)
I love you R
Monday, July 4, 2011
from this side of the bLuE planet:)
Been quite awhile since I've written anything at all. I'm not sure why that is. Lack of time or just a lack of motivation to record the nice and the not so nice things that happen in my happy blue life?? oh well I'm not here to analyze reasons for my absence..just here to pen some thoughts, or rather 'type' some thoughts..
so much has happened since my last post. It's impossible to record everything here and no I'm not even trying to. All that I can say though is that nothing very drastic, or dramatic has happened. oh well no, on second thoughts let me correct that..drastic, dramatic things have happened..but nothing that caused heartbreaks and buckets of tears! LOL! ( let's say I got quite close to one though)
oh well..life on this side of the blue planet is..well...mmm...satisfactory. not perfect. perfect is boring. but sometimes perfect would also be nice. just sometimes.
of the most significant things that has happened since I last wrote is that I am no longer an unemployed citizen of the country:) It's an amazing job and it's truly been a gift from the one above! I love every minute of work and it's a superb experience and at least now I know that once I leave uni I'll be armed with that ever important 'experience'. I could never have asked for a better working environment. the people are cool, no backbiting and bitching and there's so much of room to grow! Plus having a really cool boss is an added advantage!
Uni's pretty much the same..boring and blah..but at least I'm spared the misery of lit units this semester and that's a HUGE relief! hopefully I can get that GPA up! well right now we're on indefinite vacation coz the dons are pushing for a pay hike which I feel is a fair request. well despite the fact that this means that things will get pushed back and the semester will lag for another few good months I personally am in favour of this protest coz they deserve what they are asking for!
I read the most hilarious letter in my life today and I still can't stop laughing when I think about it, courtesy of course the dingbat! she is just hilarious and I despite the fact that she's my best friend I just cannot understand how her mind works sometimes!! oh well the world does need a handful of nuts and I sure have been blessed with the queen of all nuts:D I really hope she finds a nice boy who will not take advantage of her amazingly good nature. Like raiya always says she has a heart of gold. she really does!
A part of me is still trying to grapple with the reality of a situation that I was made aware of a few days ago. I do not even have the courage to type it out because it seems so unbelievable. it just makes you realize that there's nothing in this world that you can be sure of.. I''m just sad that I can't be there for her. the disappointment, the pain, the endless questions...I can almost feel her pain and it hurts coz I can't do anything for her:(( I can only pray that she will find comfort in the Lord.
writing about that has made me dull now...
Bubzy boo:) I love him and I love him more everyday. we hit 365 in a couple of days and it seems like just yesterday that he sent that first text to me. Our relationship has evolved during these 365 days and we are now not just lovers, but best friends and an irreplaceable part of each others lives.
I confess ours is not the most perfect relationship. we fight and argue all the time. I boss him, he gets stubborn and refuses to be bossed and we end up fighting. No we don't end up fighting. we end up making up and loving each other even more. And I think that's the nicest part about us. We both admit that we're wrong and we also admit that we just cannot live without each other.
I had my doubts..just a very small doubt whether bubz could really not do without me. But he completely diminished that by changing his mind on a very very important decision regarding our future together. And I know it wasn't easy for him. It meant giving up a life long dream so that my dream could come true and most importantly that we could be together. I love him for that and he will never know how grateful I am to him for giving me my dream. If i witnessed a miracle in my life... it was then.
he's a good boy. a really really good boy with a good heart that's not cold or hard. he has good values, good principles and I admire him for those, even though at times I may not agree with them. There are very few people who can stick by their principles, who have good moral values and he has it all. I'm truly proud of my boy friend.
I love him, I love bossing him and pampering him and just knowing that he's mine and I'm his.
our love is solid and that's what gives me strength. The future is of course in God's hands but I know he loves the two of us:)
it's 1.11 on the 5th of July and I must be off. I'm a happy girl. I've written all that I intended to write and I can write no more.
till we meet again remember...
God can work miracles!
so much has happened since my last post. It's impossible to record everything here and no I'm not even trying to. All that I can say though is that nothing very drastic, or dramatic has happened. oh well no, on second thoughts let me correct that..drastic, dramatic things have happened..but nothing that caused heartbreaks and buckets of tears! LOL! ( let's say I got quite close to one though)
oh well..life on this side of the blue planet is..well...mmm...satisfactory. not perfect. perfect is boring. but sometimes perfect would also be nice. just sometimes.
of the most significant things that has happened since I last wrote is that I am no longer an unemployed citizen of the country:) It's an amazing job and it's truly been a gift from the one above! I love every minute of work and it's a superb experience and at least now I know that once I leave uni I'll be armed with that ever important 'experience'. I could never have asked for a better working environment. the people are cool, no backbiting and bitching and there's so much of room to grow! Plus having a really cool boss is an added advantage!
Uni's pretty much the same..boring and blah..but at least I'm spared the misery of lit units this semester and that's a HUGE relief! hopefully I can get that GPA up! well right now we're on indefinite vacation coz the dons are pushing for a pay hike which I feel is a fair request. well despite the fact that this means that things will get pushed back and the semester will lag for another few good months I personally am in favour of this protest coz they deserve what they are asking for!
I read the most hilarious letter in my life today and I still can't stop laughing when I think about it, courtesy of course the dingbat! she is just hilarious and I despite the fact that she's my best friend I just cannot understand how her mind works sometimes!! oh well the world does need a handful of nuts and I sure have been blessed with the queen of all nuts:D I really hope she finds a nice boy who will not take advantage of her amazingly good nature. Like raiya always says she has a heart of gold. she really does!
A part of me is still trying to grapple with the reality of a situation that I was made aware of a few days ago. I do not even have the courage to type it out because it seems so unbelievable. it just makes you realize that there's nothing in this world that you can be sure of.. I''m just sad that I can't be there for her. the disappointment, the pain, the endless questions...I can almost feel her pain and it hurts coz I can't do anything for her:(( I can only pray that she will find comfort in the Lord.
writing about that has made me dull now...
Bubzy boo:) I love him and I love him more everyday. we hit 365 in a couple of days and it seems like just yesterday that he sent that first text to me. Our relationship has evolved during these 365 days and we are now not just lovers, but best friends and an irreplaceable part of each others lives.
I confess ours is not the most perfect relationship. we fight and argue all the time. I boss him, he gets stubborn and refuses to be bossed and we end up fighting. No we don't end up fighting. we end up making up and loving each other even more. And I think that's the nicest part about us. We both admit that we're wrong and we also admit that we just cannot live without each other.
I had my doubts..just a very small doubt whether bubz could really not do without me. But he completely diminished that by changing his mind on a very very important decision regarding our future together. And I know it wasn't easy for him. It meant giving up a life long dream so that my dream could come true and most importantly that we could be together. I love him for that and he will never know how grateful I am to him for giving me my dream. If i witnessed a miracle in my life... it was then.
he's a good boy. a really really good boy with a good heart that's not cold or hard. he has good values, good principles and I admire him for those, even though at times I may not agree with them. There are very few people who can stick by their principles, who have good moral values and he has it all. I'm truly proud of my boy friend.
I love him, I love bossing him and pampering him and just knowing that he's mine and I'm his.
our love is solid and that's what gives me strength. The future is of course in God's hands but I know he loves the two of us:)
it's 1.11 on the 5th of July and I must be off. I'm a happy girl. I've written all that I intended to write and I can write no more.
till we meet again remember...
God can work miracles!
Friday, March 4, 2011
It's a nice sort of feeling:)
It seems like forever since i last blogged about anything. there's a been a nagging feeling at the back of my mind for awhile now that i should resume blogging but as a 3rd year Eng. special whose life is spent either reading academic muck or writing academic junk, lighthearted blogging is a luxury that i don't seem to be able to afford these days.
But today in the midst of another boring assignment full of academic jargon that noone but us and the Eng. dept would understand i decided that enough is enough.My poor blog does not desereve step-motherly treatment and i need some space to just write freely without thinking of punctuation, capitalization, citations and theories which i'l probably not even remember once i leave the "hallowed portals of the University of Colombo". ding.
this is also what happens when love and boyfriends enter your previously drab and depressed life. they start eating up all your free time which in their absence you would have happily utilized by blogging in order to express your feelings of depression and seeming futility of life. LOL so blame it on the boy friend then.
I'm not even going to attempt to recap all that has passed since my last blogging session. it's a futile attempt coz soooooo soooooooo much has happened that i cant write about it in one go. eventualy. i promise. myself.
the good, the bad, the sad,weddings and breakups. new friends, new partners, new love, new experinces, fun times, not so fun times, kisses and tears. there's alot to write about.
so what's the "nice sort of feeling about"?
that's actualy what i came to blog about and somewhere down the line got distracted and started blabbering about all sorts of everything:P
the nice feeling was 'felt' when boy friend dearest while partying away with his Homian friends and probably had nothing but cricket on his mind randomly sent girl friend dearest a text saying that he loves her:)yes it was just a text..just three words but its' a nice feeling to know that such a simple text message can...just make the world so many shades brighter:))
it's a nice feeling having someone to cheer u up, to make your world brighter, to fight with, to annoy and to be annoyed. it's nice having someone to share your life with and its an even nicer feeling to know that someone out there is always thinking of u...with a smile:)
it's a nice feeling to love someone but its an even nicer feeling when your loved back..equally or more:)
love
HB.
I'll be back- promise.
But today in the midst of another boring assignment full of academic jargon that noone but us and the Eng. dept would understand i decided that enough is enough.My poor blog does not desereve step-motherly treatment and i need some space to just write freely without thinking of punctuation, capitalization, citations and theories which i'l probably not even remember once i leave the "hallowed portals of the University of Colombo". ding.
this is also what happens when love and boyfriends enter your previously drab and depressed life. they start eating up all your free time which in their absence you would have happily utilized by blogging in order to express your feelings of depression and seeming futility of life. LOL so blame it on the boy friend then.
I'm not even going to attempt to recap all that has passed since my last blogging session. it's a futile attempt coz soooooo soooooooo much has happened that i cant write about it in one go. eventualy. i promise. myself.
the good, the bad, the sad,weddings and breakups. new friends, new partners, new love, new experinces, fun times, not so fun times, kisses and tears. there's alot to write about.
so what's the "nice sort of feeling about"?
that's actualy what i came to blog about and somewhere down the line got distracted and started blabbering about all sorts of everything:P
the nice feeling was 'felt' when boy friend dearest while partying away with his Homian friends and probably had nothing but cricket on his mind randomly sent girl friend dearest a text saying that he loves her:)yes it was just a text..just three words but its' a nice feeling to know that such a simple text message can...just make the world so many shades brighter:))
it's a nice feeling having someone to cheer u up, to make your world brighter, to fight with, to annoy and to be annoyed. it's nice having someone to share your life with and its an even nicer feeling to know that someone out there is always thinking of u...with a smile:)
it's a nice feeling to love someone but its an even nicer feeling when your loved back..equally or more:)
love
HB.
I'll be back- promise.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
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