I see things now..things that i never saw before...things that were so obvious yet which i was totaly oblivious to! i see it all..very very clearly yet i still keep defending that which need not be defended at all! I do not need to defend it...i cannot change the way people think, or stop the people who genuinely love and care for me from standing up for me and taking my side. I love them for being there for me yet i still do not want to hear anyone say anything against that which i am striving sooo hard to defend!! and why?? do i see a reason in doing that??would that which i'm trying to defend even care??
and sometimes i dont even feel like defending it anymore....coz when i look back i can see that its not worth it! I dont blame myself for what i felt, for everything i did..coz had i not responded in that way i wouldnt have been human! it would have taken a heart of stone to not feel what i felt given the circumstances.
so in a way that which i am trying to defend is not worth defending at all! yet i do it! i keep defending "that" all the time even though deep inside i myself dont believe in it! there are times when i feel like just screaming out "yes you are to blame!!" but i dont...i keep shut as i always do...
and then again at times i feel that defending is the right thing to do...noone else has the right to judge and i know that that which im struggling soo hard to defend could never knowingly hurt anyone....not me..
i dont know..i honestly dont...all i do know is that i will always keep defending that which need not be defended at all....i'm tired and exhausted of doing it but i will continue to do so....coz deep inside underneath all the confusion my heart tells me that i'm doing the right thing...and until the day that my heart tells me otherwise i will continue to defend him.
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