Random thoughts

I do not know what to write. For the first time i have nothing to say..nothing to write about. my mind is blanking out and i know exactly why.

I made a resolution that i will not write anymore about that one depressing subject- But everything in a strange random way seems to end up at one destination.That one place where my mind refuses to wonder but where my heart still yearns to be.

Why does it have to be so hard? he's everywhere.

I pick up the papers, curl up in a nice cosy chair curious to know what the world is upto...and he's there! big, bright and bold!-

I switch on the tv.browse aimlessly looking for something that would interst me- and he's there! He of all people. its alomost as if the other 15 are non existent.

its as if the world is playing a nasty trick on me.

Here i am doing the best i can to get rid of the garbage of the last few months and the world just seems to love to rub it in my face. Make it all the more harder for me to forget.

its a nasty cruel world. A world that seems to love dangling him on a thread for me
to see. A world which seems to take great pleasure in shouting out" look its him!!! the one u had and dont have anymore. He's not yours! he'll never be yours'!!buhaaaaaa haaaaaaa JK!!!!!

There are times when i do regret what i did. When i think back on those times when he called me up for no apparent reason, when he chatted endlessly about his hunt for treasure land. The sense of regret creeps in when i realize that there'll be no more of that. I will miss it.I will miss him. I always will. But then again how much longer would it have continued for? maybe a year..two..but someday it would have had to end and i'm glad it ended now.The longer it dragged on for the more it would have hurt.---and thus i console myself---

A part of me questions my own thoughts? why do i still think about him when i myself made the decision that this would be the end? that he would no longer have a place in my life. If at all the only place would be in my memories..as a part of the past..

but here i am still thinking about him. Still missing him very very much. Still wishing that i could have been a part of his life.

sigh. I am human after all.

I sometimes wonder whether it is possible to ever completly forget someone who you once had very strong feelings for.

is it possible to ever truly forget the people we loved? will our hearts ever let go even when we ourselves our valiantly striving to bury the past, the memories and move on???

the heart rules after all...

But i am stronger!!!


Happy Blue:)