It's another day...a brand new day and the start of a new week..almost a new month...yet even though the day is new it still feels very much the same.very much like the 30 days that have gone by..the 30 days in which i have missed so much..of everything that was at one point everything to me.
I have learnt to live without the things that i had got so accustomed to...the things that made my day...that made me smile..they are no more and they never will be...yet as they say life goes on!
I have stopped questioning...stopped asking "why". coz i see that there is no point in questioning about something that is now gone. There are certain things in life that are hard to accept...you cant understand why they had to happen...you try to figure it out..why life had to turn out like it did...but you cant..maybe you'll spend the rest of your life trying to figure it out and maybe you still wont.There are strange mysteries in life than can and will never be answered.
Everyone says "maybe it happend for the best"..maybe! but 30 days after i have still failed to see what the best could possibly be. maybe it's coz i refuse to see...coz im still silently holding on...refusing to accept that things are not what they were a month ago!
For the past month i have asked God for just one thing....but today its another prayer i bring before Him. I have never once asked Him to give me back what i lost coz i dont want it back..i dont....its something else that i want and God knows what it is...sometimes i wonder whether God has forgotten me...is ignoring me...
the day still feels empty...the mornings feel blank...life has lost its cheer. but i go on...pretending as if i'm missing nothing..that my happy old self is back..i wish the emptiness would go away...i guess i conceal it so well though that noone guesses that im still where i was exactly a month ago!
....All i wish is that God will hear my prayer today...that he will make today a tad different from yesterday...or maybe it'l be tomorrow....tomorrow....i dont know.
please keep that which I lost...happy...would that be possible God??
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