random

I was in a real shithole yesterday.stressed out over the presentation..stressed out over life as a whole..the outrageous number of things i have to do within the next 30 days just completly freaks me out and thus everytime i think about it all i tell myself is "you cant do it"!!how could i possibly handle all that shit??ya ya its a lame attitude and completly contradicts my motto for 2010:"dont cross unnecessary bridges before you get to them"! well i have clearly crossed more bridges than i may even have to cross in reality and it leaves me with this hopeless feeling of inadequacy,depression, stress and an overall feeling of just giving up!! and for the first time its completly divorced from that one innocent soul( NOT) who eventualy becomes the scapegoat for all my bad moods and bouts of depression!! hahaha! good for him:P oh well he probably has a minute role to play in it..probably fits in somewhere..lol!

Oh well anyway to get back to my little narration...i was in a realy crappy situation yesterday..you know that feeling you get when your brain just refuses to do anymore..it feels like your brain's dead..blank and empty and ofcourse you feel like some retard fallen from space incapable of handling anything at all leave alone Alexander Pope!!
I hate that feeling..and it always seems to envelope me at the most crucial times ever when the last thing i need to do is sit around mourning and winging about the pathetic state of my happy blue life and how unfair and cruel life has been to me! well in reality its hasnt necessarily been so.oh life hasnt been all that nice but then again is there anyone life has been nice to??life's a shithole! if u need to survive learn to swim among the shit!! yucks that's a gross image aint it:P anyways my point is..i cant complain too much..life has been nice to me for a greater part of my life and i'm not complaining! oh well if kaushi thinks i'm nice then life must be thinking the same too no:P

ok ok digression...what was i saying??...ohh ya..so yesterday was one of those many horrible days i exerience on almost a weekly basis these days..it was just wierd...in a wierdly awful way!
i can be a pretty demanding person at times..ok but in all fairness i'm demanding but in a reasonable way ok! i dont expect my already stressed out friends , bombarded with their own personal problems to be there at every crappy, soppy, dumb,lame moment in my life! I realy think that the most unfair thing that people do to others is to dump their shit and crap and expect the other to carry it for them. Ok so not like i'm the all fair soul at all times! but i try ok..lol!

but yesterday i couldnt.( at least yesterday i thought so)So who was to be my garbage can??after a good few minutes of speculation i decide to opt for the one friend i thot would be the least stressed! or rather the one friend who can be stressed to glory but still manage to claim that life is "just fantastic"!!

so i type a text to shay and say...luk mate my life sux! its devoid of everything..it sux! there's nuthn there!!please help.

and i wait...and wait..and wait..and then sleep creeps in..takes me captive and so the story goes...

ofcourse i'm naturaly pissed off...the one person i turned to didnt even bother to reply my text! so forget it! that's the last time shay gets it from me!LOL!

anyways...the day rolls on...a nice fine day..nailed the presentation..hopefully aced it..the little breakdown..the lame breakdown of the previous night completly forgoten..gotten over it completly! a positive pri:)

so i come home..chillax and start working on Wordsworth when that dear old friend from yesterday( NOT) decides to call me..in response to last nights text now ok!:P

ofcourse as shay always says me and my random bizarre conclusions so i pick up the phone use my most haughty sarcastic voice ever and say: " oh well your a fine friend! had i been on my deathbed and sent u a text saying i was dying u would have probably called to check on me when i was in my grave or being cremated no!!!" pffft!!!!!

ofcourse its shay..never takes offence..never gets pissed of when i do..and in typical shay fashion goes "so how are u now??"

im doing great!!!!splendid! fabulous!like u care! ( ok by this time of the day i was actualy feeling good so it wasnt a whole act!)

"see exactly my point" shay replies..."you got through whatever difficulty you were going through on your own!and that's what i wanted you to learn..that you dont need to depend on other people at all times..that you are stronger than you think you are..and that you are capable of handling whatever crap life throws your way! you can do it on your own! and be proud of yourself that you got through in on your own! you helped yourself and there's no better person to help you than yourself!!"

:) what could i possibly say in my defence..why would i have to say anything in my defenece when i knew very well that shay as always had shown me what i had never seen thus far!

you are the master of your soul!! there's nothing you cant achieve and nothing can put you down if you are determined enough to fight the odds, brave the storm and be the winner! "even if you lose, lose like a winner!"


how bad can the month ahead possibly be eh??
thanx shay..:)

well in conclusion the point of this whole boring narration was mwrely to prove...Woolf's concept of the stream of consciousness!! dont ask me why! ask your self!!!it shud be as clear as crytsal:P!! BUWAAAAAHAAAAAAA=))

H.B:)